Roland Juno 106 vs. Boutique JU-06...are you joking? No really, am I supposed to be laughing?

Recently a friend of mine who is none too bright bought himself a Roland Boutique JU-06.

"Oh, you twit!" I exclaimed upon discovering the purchase.

"You just paid a few hundred dollars for 2$ worth of software and 1$ worth of Chinese plastic....what the h*ll is wrong with your dumb a$$?!?!?!"

"Bl*w me!" said my friend, "Roland says this is just as good, and I bet YOU can't tell the difference"

"If Roland told you to perform fellatio on peoples pets down at the dog park and then give me all the money because it's a fantastic idea, would you do that as well?" was my retort as I took up my battle station on the couch facing away from my Juno 106 that is set up at the other end of the room.

"And LEVEL MATCH! You got it? You even know what that is"? I ordered my companion.

"Duh!" he replied. "I'll use the same length of cable"

I groaned as he ran to set up his new toy alongside my serious tool (Don't bother).

How did it end? Let's just say my friend ended up at the proverbial dog park with a mouthful of goodness.

But this raises a larger question for me regarding the boutiques.

Am I the only one who can tell the difference with his eyes closed?

The original is producing harmonic content at (I would estimate) a 2:1 ratio when compared to the new model. And that harmonic content isn't static, it ebbs and flows in an interactive dance with its environment, acting and reacting to the world around it, it's temperature, the cleanliness of the power it's consuming, the magnetic field produced by the people around it. All these things play a role in analog electronics,

Now, I know the Juno 106 can barely be called "Analog" at all, especially when compared with a true VCO synthesizer. I get that, but there is STILL enough going on under the control of analog CV that all those factors I listed affect its sound, and that even though it could be argued that it's DCO's are not analog oscillators, the sound engine when taken as a whole provides the user with the variance, liveliness and, "Phatness" of an analog synth, whether the original Juno 106 is an analog synthesizer or not by law, it certainly is in spirit.


 Weight, Girth, Fatness, ALIVE

All just synonyms for more and more varied harmonic content. The harmonic content, you dear reader and I, live and die by.

So, what does the JU-06 do the cover its tracks? To distract you from its anorexic harmonic content and soulless robotic squelch?

Elementry my dear Hirohito! Push the fundamental tone straight into your face then take a small group of harmonics and have a resonant filter sweep them, thus the ILLUSION of analog variance will be produced.

Where on the original, the fundamental frequency sits luxuriously in a bed of unpredictable harmonics. The JU-06 tries to poke your eye out with it. (Ostensibly so you don't bother trying to look BEHIND it.

This makes Roland's little "Plugin-in-a-box" sounds less smooth, more abrupt and jarring. Its focus is on delivering the frontline aspects of the sound and making sure you pay attention to them, the less obvious (but the aspects of the sound that you pay the big bucks for) are nearly non-existent,

It actually a very cheeky little hustle, and a very a Roland thing to do.

It's like when you try and spice up date night, by convincing your wife to swing with the couple across the street. And everyone plans to wear masks to make things less awkward at the next PTA meeting. Then when you're getting busy with what you think it your neighbor's wife (and he is plowing yours) You pull off his wife's mask and find a blow-up doll!

I can't believe other people don't hear this. I guess most serious audio professionals aren't interested in these "Boutiques" so wouldn't be here listening in the first place. Hey, if YOU can't tell the difference, then HAVE AT ER!

And bring your wife over sometime!

NAMM 2018: Volca mix? Forget it...BEHOLD! The VOLCA A$$!!!

What can I say about the "Volca Mix" that hasn't already been said?

Like the rest of the sheeple, I grazed the fertile pastures of negativity and contempt prior to investigation, before dropping my pants and spraying my half-digested opinion all over the bowl of this great public-restroom we call the internet.

My words were boiling hot with contempt, singeing the very orifice that disgorged them, though there were indeed chunks of wisdom to be found within the nebulas funk off my rhetoric, one was probably not tempted to get close enough to locate them, floating as they were in the primeval stew, the stink of which would drive away any right-minded reviewer.

But now that I've had a minute to take a wad of the proverbial 2-ply dampen it under the sink and hold it to the scalded crack of my snap judgment. Maybe thins in Volca world aren't as bad as I first imagined.

Yes, I took a crap on it like everyone else when I saw it, but I've changed my mind,

 There IS enough here to get a little performance going on. Between the channel EQ/Filters, side-chain, rhythmic compressor, FX I/O and dedicated mutes, I can tell you right now, there is enough here to play this, and your Volcas, like the instruments you've always wanted them to be.

 The Volca's have been screaming for this since day 1, and it's finally arrived.....PULL UP YOUR PANTS AND TURN AROUND.

I get it!

 why not go all the way and give us 6 slots? After all, this is the end of the line for the Volca's (unless they do a Volca Vector, beats 2  (non-screwed up snare) or keys 2 (Polyphonic, NOT Paraphonic, even if it was just two voices....making it douphonic...or stinkaphonic, that's when a Volca comes out of my a$$)

 There you go, the Volca A$$! who needs that designer guy when you've got me around? Frigging brilliant, digitally sampled 12-bit farts through an Analog filter, plus true master stink control for the authentic "Oh god let me out of the car I'm going to puke...too late blagggg!!" Experience. 

"Late night at Taco Bell" firmware update coming soon.

NAMM 2018: WHY THE NEW ELECTRO HARMONIX 9500 LOOPER WILL LEAVE YOU STRANDED ON THE TOILET

 Electro Harmonix must have gotten ahold of some decent Acid.

The gear world's "Dirty hippies with jobs" showed up at NAMM 2018 with: "Like....an entire...universe...IN A BOX.....MAN!" in the form of yet ANOTHER multiple of past looping duds  ( it's the 9500...that's like 2 x + 500 better than the last looper they tried to sell you) and clearly they are, as the kids are wont to say...

"TRIPPIN' BALZ"

 EHX has decided to take a THIRD swing at delivering to the public the ultimate Steroid Monkey, Multitrack looper, while simultaneously lifting a knee into ROLAND'S, well exposed, groin with one track more than that digitally addicted company's flagship ( Though it's construction is FAR from "seaworthy") BOSS RC 505 looper.

Does it seem that this new EHX 9500 will not only floor you with knock-out shot on the button but also prevent Roland from having any more children?

Who cares, the whole concept is nothing but "More...more...MORE!" style vulgarity, that forces unwashed undies (Of dirty hippies no less...BARF) into the face of a unique and fruitful creative method known a looping.

Never tried writing a song with a looper? You should, good things happen and any audio creative should have it in his arsenal, but the fruits of looping do not bloom amidst a dungheap of buttons and sliders. 

Looping DEMANDS two things: Imeadiecy and simplicity, it's a workflow that sprung up organically and became popular because of its ability to unclutter the creative process. EHX seems determined to spill that clutter back in like an upturned porta-potty at Woodstock.

Major bum out maaaaaan......

 if the 505 looper proved one thing, it is that LOOPING IS NOT MULTI-TRACKING, They are different worlds that don't mix well. 6 tracks? That's 4 tracks of distraction and four tracks too many, 2 tracks is the limit, once you go beyond that, you abandon the "Right now, this is it" mindset that makes looping a totally different creative experience,

 All of a sudden you are "Tracking" and trying to get things sounding "Right" so when you go and "Mix" it later.....F**K THAT, that's called MULTI-TRACKING, and it involves a lot of analytical thought, which is DEATH to the creative flow of looping. The 505 was a total dud, as it didn't let you get into the vibe of looping, nor did it sound good as a multitracker.

And since when has EHX even delivered the goods properly when it comes to these steroid loopers? This is their THIRD try and the first two had major issues, why would anyone believe that THIS time they aren't going to try and short change you? 

But even if they and Roland didn't always try to dazzle you with certain features so they could distract you from the essential corners they cut from others, a box like this is nothing more than a creative block of cheese. 

Start mowing down on it and you are going to get really full really fast, but when it comes time to actually squeeze one out you'll find yourself on the proverbial toilet making a lot of sounds but very little stink, as you discover you have been creatively constipated, 

Maybe EHX could include some EXLAX with every purchase of a 9500? 

Just a thought.

The Elektron Digitone, and why THIS could change your synthesizer life FOREVER!

Well, SOMEONE was going to do this, 

The most obvious non-product in electronic music has finally been made.

Elektron has produced, as of NAMM 2018, the FM synthesizer that was a proverbial Elephant parroting: "DUUUUH! in your living room for years.

It a total no-brainer. Korg flirted with it, but blew it with the velocity and lack of aftertouch. Day late and pressure sensitive key short. Works fine for the Monotron but when you want over $100 for a synth, there are a few things you should consider.

 It's really too bad that Elektron decided to do it first. This company CONSTANTLY releases unfinished, malfunctioning, intentionally crippled and way overpriced junk, that they would rather hire online spammers to make excuses for than invest money in fixing. 

Does this thing support aftertouch at least? Have they learned from Korg's fall from, miles in front, industry leaders, to Roland level out of touch company living in its own world?

Oh well, at least you can still trust Novation to give you a finished product and 100% customer support. 

BTW for those of you dropping several hundred on this box, you should know that an FM synth is 1982 level software programming and nothing else (Except for the DX7 with its 12 bit DAC's and unique VCA making it as lively and unique as a subtractive analog) there is nothing that goes into making this product that costs the manufacturer anything more than pennies, they probably paid some intern zero $ an hour to code the thing (that's how simple it is) and used their left over Digitak parts to build the rest, they won't need them for their original purpose now that the world is aware of what a malfunctioning mess the digitak is. So, what do you figure they intentionally crippled on this unit?

On the Analog Heat, it was MIDI, on the Analog Rhythm it was outboard sequencing, on the Analog 4 it was....well...SOUND! (it had other more specific and detrimental handicaps, but many agree, that synth does NOT sound good, 

On the Digitak it was no song mode and completely un-useable sequencing, the Octatrak?......Take your pick.

Come to think of it the only stuff Elektron has ever released that isn't severely and intentionally made crap by sins of commission or omission, are the well-remembered Monomachine and the Machine drum, I suppose the SID station is well thought of as well, who knows? maybe, getting away from Analog and Sampling will result in Elektron producing a usable product?....Yeah, and maybe it doesn't matter that the Prologue doesn't have aftertouch (I told you right to your face Korg, Your employee's in artist relations told me they completely understood, now I can't endorse your product, I will not accept a free unit, I told you this years ago know, no professional will support a flagship board sans aftertouch, you've signed your own death warrant, don't say I didn't warn you)

So, where does this leave the synth buying public? between a rock and a synth-wave hard place? 

No, It leaves you at the doorstep of your local bookstore (if you still have one,) where those of you who are smart will buy "Make Electronics" and start studying.

 Before too long you'll have the skills to build for a few dollars what Elektron tries to convince you is worth several hundred. It is only then you will be free of these thieves and understand just how badly you've been screwed over the years. 

Grab your cans of mace and your 555 IC timers everyone, it's time WE took back the night.

So...Your Fostex M80 reel to reel 8 track isn't working properly?

So...you took the plunge! You got your self a reel to reel deck! A Fostex M-80 no less!

Only your wet dreams of perversely saturated mixes bursting with "Mojo" and all your friends lapping it up like liquid crack in a neighborhood no C.I.A agents family members live in, is about to take a plunge of its own...

.....right down the crapper!

The P.O.S doesn't work!

Why!?!??!

Well, Dre..... it's probably either broken or you using the wrong kind of tape, they aren't THAT complex if it ain't working, and you can't figure out why then either you are too dumb to be using a reel to reel in the first place, or it's revival has passed beyond your level of expertise...

Time to call 911 and scream in your least manly vocal register:

"HELP! I NEED A WITCH-DOCTOR! TO RAISE A TAPE TECH FROM THE DEAD! MY M80 ISN'T WORKING AND I PAID $75 BUCKS ON EBAY FOR IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"

OKAY...calm down there Conan, let's make sure you aren't as dumb as you look through your computer's camera, nice T-shirt BTW.......OKAY.....creepy jokes aside, let's do a quick idiot check here.

1. Are you using either 456 or 457 tapes?

Yes? GOOD!

No? IDIOT!!!!!!

2. Is the tape correctly threaded? Starting from the left reel the tape goes: OVER THE MOVING THINGY,

a.THEN UNDER IT, UNDER THE THINGY THAT DOESN'T MOVE,

b.STRAIGHT UNDER THE BIG THINGY WITH THE FOSTEX LOGO,

c.PRESS THE GODDAMN BUTTON AT THE RIGHT SO IT DOESN"T IMPEDE THE TAPE PATH,

d.THEN PRESS THE GODDAMN BUTTON SO IT SNUGGLES THE TAPE,

e.THEN IT'S UNDER THE NEXT THINGY,

f.THEN IT'S OVER THE NEXT THINGY,

g.THEN IT'S UNDER THE THINGY THAT MOVES,

h.THEN YOU APPLY THE TAPE TO THE TAKE-UP REEL FROM THE RIGHT SIDE,

i.THREAD THE TAPE INTO THE SLITS CLOSE TO THE CENTER OF THE TAKE-UP REEL 

j.TURN IT SO IT GATHERS TAPE FROM THE LEFT REEL

k............AND BEFORE YOU DO ANY OF THIS MAKE SURE THAT THE LIGHT BROWN SIDE OF THE TAPE IS WHAT IS MAKING FACE CONTACT WITH WHAT'S UNDER THE FOSTEX LOGO!!!!!!!!

Did you do all that correctly? Yes? Good!

No.?? IMBICILE!!!!!

3. Do you understand how the input/tape monitoring functions work?

I'll make this really simple.

1.If you want to record on a track, press it's corresponding button so the LED lights, then press record and play.

2. If your input monitor button is depressed and to hit rec without hitting play, you have just switched that track from monitoring tape upon playback to monitoring the input. That means you CAN'T hear what you've recorded!

RE-READ WHAT I WROTE THERE AGAIN AND AGAIN TILL YOU UNDERSTAND IT

Also never forget, Fostex throws you a curve ball, however, let's see if I can remember this...

...OK, so on a Fostex M80, each input is half-normal to its corresponding input in the latter half of those available.

That is to say, that input one is half-normal to input 5, input 2 to input 6 and so on, the same is true in reverse order (7 half-normaled to three, 8 to 4 so on and so forth)

I cannot recall the implications and limitations this manufacturing decision results in, only that it has caused much confusion heartache and rage against Fostex amongst (especially modern) users of the unit, I can recall some users feeling as if Fostex had played a practical joke on their customers.

Research this....feature?....before purchase and see if it is a deal breaker for you,

Also, be advised that Fostex do not have a reputation for durability and parts are no longer available for these units, breakage often results in the ultimate death of the machine, and reel to reel is the most finicky, delicate pieces of gear you will ever encounter, they require constant maintenance.

Not trying to talk anyone out of using these, just want people to have all the pertinent info available to them.

If you buy a functioning unit, the FIRST thing you need to do is locate a tech and make friends with him.

After that, just remember, the Fostex M80 is here for a GOOD time not for a LONG time,

BTW

I'm a tape guy, I have and still do use all these things. And for my money, the Fostex A8 (The first 8 track budget reel to reel ever) actually SOUNDS better than the M-80,

Also, while I've owned countless M80's and provided them with palliative care before they made that last great transfer to the master reel in the sky......

....My A8 is like a crotchety old grandfather, whose birthday we stopped celebrating after 100 because he's no longer trying to conceal his bad attitude, smells funny, and occasionally loses control of his functions.

But goddamn, you catch him on the right day, steer the conversation properly, you're going to get a HELL of a WW1 story out of him.