NAMM 2018: Volca mix? Forget it...BEHOLD! The VOLCA A$$!!!

What can I say about the "Volca Mix" that hasn't already been said?

Like the rest of the sheeple, I grazed the fertile pastures of negativity and contempt prior to investigation, before dropping my pants and spraying my half-digested opinion all over the bowl of this great public-restroom we call the internet.

My words were boiling hot with contempt, singeing the very orifice that disgorged them, though there were indeed chunks of wisdom to be found within the nebulas funk off my rhetoric, one was probably not tempted to get close enough to locate them, floating as they were in the primeval stew, the stink of which would drive away any right-minded reviewer.

But now that I've had a minute to take a wad of the proverbial 2-ply dampen it under the sink and hold it to the scalded crack of my snap judgment. Maybe thins in Volca world aren't as bad as I first imagined.

Yes, I took a crap on it like everyone else when I saw it, but I've changed my mind,

 There IS enough here to get a little performance going on. Between the channel EQ/Filters, side-chain, rhythmic compressor, FX I/O and dedicated mutes, I can tell you right now, there is enough here to play this, and your Volcas, like the instruments you've always wanted them to be.

 The Volca's have been screaming for this since day 1, and it's finally arrived.....PULL UP YOUR PANTS AND TURN AROUND.

I get it!

 why not go all the way and give us 6 slots? After all, this is the end of the line for the Volca's (unless they do a Volca Vector, beats 2  (non-screwed up snare) or keys 2 (Polyphonic, NOT Paraphonic, even if it was just two voices....making it douphonic...or stinkaphonic, that's when a Volca comes out of my a$$)

 There you go, the Volca A$$! who needs that designer guy when you've got me around? Frigging brilliant, digitally sampled 12-bit farts through an Analog filter, plus true master stink control for the authentic "Oh god let me out of the car I'm going to puke...too late blagggg!!" Experience. 

"Late night at Taco Bell" firmware update coming soon.

The Elektron Digitone, and why THIS could change your synthesizer life FOREVER!

Well, SOMEONE was going to do this, 

The most obvious non-product in electronic music has finally been made.

Elektron has produced, as of NAMM 2018, the FM synthesizer that was a proverbial Elephant parroting: "DUUUUH! in your living room for years.

It a total no-brainer. Korg flirted with it, but blew it with the velocity and lack of aftertouch. Day late and pressure sensitive key short. Works fine for the Monotron but when you want over $100 for a synth, there are a few things you should consider.

 It's really too bad that Elektron decided to do it first. This company CONSTANTLY releases unfinished, malfunctioning, intentionally crippled and way overpriced junk, that they would rather hire online spammers to make excuses for than invest money in fixing. 

Does this thing support aftertouch at least? Have they learned from Korg's fall from, miles in front, industry leaders, to Roland level out of touch company living in its own world?

Oh well, at least you can still trust Novation to give you a finished product and 100% customer support. 

BTW for those of you dropping several hundred on this box, you should know that an FM synth is 1982 level software programming and nothing else (Except for the DX7 with its 12 bit DAC's and unique VCA making it as lively and unique as a subtractive analog) there is nothing that goes into making this product that costs the manufacturer anything more than pennies, they probably paid some intern zero $ an hour to code the thing (that's how simple it is) and used their left over Digitak parts to build the rest, they won't need them for their original purpose now that the world is aware of what a malfunctioning mess the digitak is. So, what do you figure they intentionally crippled on this unit?

On the Analog Heat, it was MIDI, on the Analog Rhythm it was outboard sequencing, on the Analog 4 it was....well...SOUND! (it had other more specific and detrimental handicaps, but many agree, that synth does NOT sound good, 

On the Digitak it was no song mode and completely un-useable sequencing, the Octatrak?......Take your pick.

Come to think of it the only stuff Elektron has ever released that isn't severely and intentionally made crap by sins of commission or omission, are the well-remembered Monomachine and the Machine drum, I suppose the SID station is well thought of as well, who knows? maybe, getting away from Analog and Sampling will result in Elektron producing a usable product?....Yeah, and maybe it doesn't matter that the Prologue doesn't have aftertouch (I told you right to your face Korg, Your employee's in artist relations told me they completely understood, now I can't endorse your product, I will not accept a free unit, I told you this years ago know, no professional will support a flagship board sans aftertouch, you've signed your own death warrant, don't say I didn't warn you)

So, where does this leave the synth buying public? between a rock and a synth-wave hard place? 

No, It leaves you at the doorstep of your local bookstore (if you still have one,) where those of you who are smart will buy "Make Electronics" and start studying.

 Before too long you'll have the skills to build for a few dollars what Elektron tries to convince you is worth several hundred. It is only then you will be free of these thieves and understand just how badly you've been screwed over the years. 

Grab your cans of mace and your 555 IC timers everyone, it's time WE took back the night.