A REAL man's guide to programming the Yamaha DX7 (And FM synthesis)

DX7 got you down?

 Did ya' grab one on Craigslist thinking it was the missing link in you becoming the chick magnet you always knew you were? Can't get indie chicks to give you the time of day?There are 4 steps to solving your dilemma:

1. Stop
2. Being
3. A
4. Wuss

Get that bad boy out from under the bed and show it who's running sh&t

The DX7 isn't that hard, you've got 6 sine waves (Basic sound waves) you get to choose which ones you will actually hear, and which ones mess with the waves you hear.

It's like 6 guys at a urinal taking a leak, say guys 1,2 and 4 pee straight into the can, but guy 3 decides to pee on guy 1, what's guy one going to do? He tries to get out of the way. So what does his stream look like now? It's all over the place and down his pants. Guy 5 decides to cross streams with guy 2, what does that stream look like now? Instead of a line going straight in it's now spattering all over with guy 5 stream hitting it from the side. Guy 6 decides to wave his stream at guy 3 so it's crossing streams every fraction of a second but unaffecting it the next, what does that look like?

Instead of seeing the pee streams you HEAR them, and you get to tell the guys who pees straight and who messes with the other guy's stream, once you have decided who's doing what, you call that decision an "Algorithm" you call the guys peeing straight carriers and the guys messing with the other guys operators,

And as far as the synth its self, on the left there are buttons of differing colors, on the right there are a bunch of buttons with writing above and below, also in colors, these are your parameters you can mess with, decide which one you want to mess with note its color, then press the button on the left that matches that color, then the button on the right closest to the parameter to want to act, then use the data slider to change it.

That's it, go get em' tiger

You are now an FM porn star,

Go program your first patch and name it "Money shot"

The Novation Circuit: How Novation could quadruple their sales and make the Circuit the new Micro Korg

The Novation Circut could bee the best selling electronic instrument since the Micro Korg.

And I promise I will reveal give up the good shortly, but first let me set the stage on which circuit currently finds it's self-playing the role of "Black guy in a red Starfleet uniform who has just beamed down to the planet in the opening scene of an episode of Star trek"  (for non-Trekkies: That guy is usually dead within 90 seconds)

Do my claims of The Novation Circuit being a single feature away from DX7-like sales figures Sound like a bit of an Irish news report on my behalf? Well.then lend me your ear for a few and I will replace slack-jawed, drooling ignorance with a knowing wink and vaguely gay bro-down-fist-bump,

Y'see it goes like this.....

The circuit is about one-year-old and I have owned it for most of that. Novation has delivered on what they promised it would be: great sketch pad for musical ideas, not hard to learn to use, portable....blah fucking blah blah blah....

Yes "Blah" has been the albatross around this unobtrusive things  neck all along. While something like the T.E OP-1 has a very distinct sonic verve and Korg's Volca 's have a design conceit that allows them to appeal as collectibles in addition to being instruments. The Circuit has in some ways been cast as the unfortunate role of "always the bridesmaid" thought it out muscles both of those units in terms of practical usability and the flat out ability to turn the song in your head into a reality in as little time as possible.

Circuit's synths are of the "straight out of 2003 "VA variety, and now that the sheep-le have been allowed to taste the bourgeoisie boon known as "Analog"  it's a little harder to fire up the Micron and be like "Yay....sounds great" They don't sound bad mind you, they just lack sonic scrotum, and I find myself wishing they had gone the JDXI route and put two cheap analog oscillators in there instead. I think people would have been more attracted to 2 note polyphony as long as it had the unique boot-to-the-nads that analog brings to the table. Think a two voice Korg Monotribe with sample flip. Lacking any type of specific sex-appeal one tends to forget what a great tool (Grow up) the circuit actually is. And sadly, It's generic EDM sound leaves it feeling like an issue of PLAYBOY in the era of internet porn.

But this is not about what I would have done differently, it's what novation can do right now to turn this mobility scooter around and get to the Wallmart McDonald's before they start serving breakfast only.

I'm going to share two keywords with y'all you may not be familiar with, so pay attention:

ROCK N' F*CKING ROLL

For those who have no idea what I'm talking about go pick up a copy of FLASH BASTARD Rock N' Roll Must Be Destroyed or the more recent (And dance-friendly) Flash Bastard Wild 

Try Some Girls By the Rolling Stones, Raw Power By Iggy Pop Never Mind The Bollocks By the Sex Pistols, Or The NEW YORK DOLL'S self-titled debut. Here you will learn what kids did before Garageband when they wanted to get laid. There may even be a few of them left, some of you may have actually spotted one and watched your father chase it out of the back yard with a Golf Club,. But regardless of whether you have seen them, when I'm wearing my producer hat, I see them all the time...

And do you know what they ask for in their recordings? Nearly Everytime?

"We want to "electro-fy" our sound"

Yes, that's what they want, Synths drum loops, blips and bloops, so they pay ME to give it to them. Because  as guitar players and drummers these desirables seem as exotic as a Russian-speaking prostitute having a black Friday sale, They want to do business but they don't know how to say "20 dollar blow-and-go please?" in Russian.

Circuit has all the features needed to be the rosetta stone for illiterate rock musician's wanting to update their sound. And to bring that sound to the stage and practice space with zero hassle. When I do it for them i email tracks with instructions about "The click is on the left, so tell the front of house guy to feed that to your drummer and the right goes to the house" I know what I'm telling them to do is new and scary, and that most of them chicken out unless their management makes them do it.

But the circuit would be so easy, novation needs to tell rock bands that the simple pattern sequencing and recordable macros will have them sounding like Trent Reznor in 5 minutes, any member of the band (Maybe not the drummer......or bass play....definitely not the guitar players, just let your singer handle it) could operate it on stage. It would be simple to move, compared to the silly amount of gear these people set up every night, and limits them just enough so they won't get out of control with it. 2 VA synths and four sample flip spots is perfect for adding electro favor to a rock-band, to them it's instant big production in one easy box, they could even put 808 booms for the top of choruses reverse symbols leading into 1/2 time bridges. Drum loops for that super original "Indy dance kinda song" they are so proud of. I could go on and on, but where the synth community doesn't think  there is enough, Rock bands will have 20 times what they can handle. Novation just needs to ad one thing before they start trading with the Neanderthals...

.....Click track assignable to headphones.

Yep, that's all. Just so their drummer can have a click sent to him, while the main output goes to the board. Whether that drummer can actually PLAY to that click is not Novation's problem. If they market to bands as being the one stop shop backing track solution in a box, they will come by the millions.

And that is the second key element in all of this, Novation have to dump some money into advertising themselves to people who have never heard of them, but for every dollar going out, two will come back, this is a goldmine in a stream,all novation have to do is trip and fall into it. Don't waste anymore time marketing to Synth-snobs, they will never be satisfied until it out performs a Prophet 5 and gives them a hand-job while doing it (Even then they would be like "Too soft, harder HARDER! Novation! We need a firmware update!") Oh and it goes without saying get session chaining implemented imeadietly, the cavemen will need this to fling poop to their desired locations.

10 years ago, you could walk into any club in LA and you were guaranteed to see a micro Korg on stage with bands desprite to update thier sound/. That is why the Mircro Korg sold so well, not because the synth people bought it but because those who would usually NOT buy a synth bought it. Right now they aren't buying much of anything, maybe a Volca or two but they learn pretty fast that using that with their band would require more know-how and elbow grease than they are willing to invest. (Volcas are WAY better than they have any right to be, if you keep selling yours....CONGRATS! You're dumb!

There is no other product out there today who can cater to this market the way the circuit can, and after one year of reasonable but underwhelming sales and reviews I would think it's designers would be ready to, as they say in the rock n' roll world...

ROCK OUT WITH YA C$CK OUT!

P.S Novation, you take my advice? then do the right thing and cut me a nice check, 

The analog drum machine you don't even know you already own!

Today I bear happy tidings!

chances are you have an analog drum machine on the level of an EHX Crash Pas or Space drum or Metal Synsonics in your possession at this very moment!

Where is it? What will I get for it on Craigslist? Does it have silky high hats like a 606? Thundering Kicks like an 808 and blunt force trauma snares like a 909?

I will answer your questions in reverse:

1. Nah
2. Eh....sorta
3.heh heh....nope
4. $40 if you're lucky
5. Step away from your computer and wheel yourself over towards the closet.

I am guessing a good many of you host a "Land of Misfit musical toys" type box in your studios, ya know the box with the MPX 8 Arturia Sparkle, Roland Boutique, T.E Pocket Operator and last but not least......At least two or three Korg Monotrons.

Now I realize that alot of the MonotronGREAT MODDING FEVER OF 2013" Took hold and they were hacked to pieces by would-be "BobMoog's", who ended up being more like Bob-The-handicapped-Guy-who slows -up-the-line-at-7-11 In attempting to  ad features they Wouldnt have known what tod do with if thewy HAD been successful in installing them.

s died horrible  deaths as the "

Bt just like any happy handy capper some of you may have been comfortable to remain within the limits  oof your skills, which were  as follows: NONE, and it is to those of you that I speak today. Because the thing about the Monotrons is, ultimately they were more fun to destroy then to keep around long term, they sounded great, but if you're like me you would pull one out to do a specific track with and 3 hours later you are still chasing your girlfriend around the apartment making space age fart noises.

Fun yes, productive ....maybe....missed your deadline? most assuredly. So it was that many a Monotron were hurled in the general direction of the closet with one hand while the other expertly deposited a booger to the direct underside of studio chair the nation over  Thusly was this shockingly good and embarrassingly fun gadget excommunicated to junk boxes and No-Mans_land cord  piles that have taken over parts of our studios and that we fear to enter. It was a shame, but perhaps today I can help change that.

I can help you find a practical use for your Mmonotron's.

You see I bravely fought an evil mass of cable that had entrenched itself on one side of my studio, II fought valiantly and won. and I was able torescuee some innocent bystanders in the process.

A Monotron and a Monotron delay.

Later on when I was done chasing my girlfriend with the fart sounds , I tweaked a little more and discovered that with thew right dials tweaked and one feeding into another AUX input, one could actually put together a quirky little analog drum machine. I used the original Monotron and the delay but I'm sure any combo would be  adequate 

Here's what I did:

1.Montron line out to delay Aux in

2. Monotron: Cutoff LFO setting,  Pitch 9 o'clock, Rate 10 O'clock  INT 11 O'clock, Cutoff 9 o'clock, Peak 11 O'clock

3. Delay: Squarewave LFO setting, Rate 2 o'clock Int 11 o'clock, Int 3 O' clock

3. Rate on monotron controls tempo, Monotron is Kick, Monotron Delay is snare

Tweak around and customize the settings, but this set-up reminds me very much of my beloved EHX Crash Pad and Mattel Synsonics, and has the makings of a quirky trashy drum machine after my own heart.

Remember kids, all it t5ook was one crappy drum machine to give Blondie her first #1 worldwide hit single

If she can do it so can you, take your new drum machine and go write a hit, as soon as the bucks start rolling in, you'll hear from my lawyer.

Untill then.....

Make the music business YOUR bitch! Safety word? MONEY!

   
Recently read an article on "Making it" in the Nashville music world. I know nothing about Nashville by I know a fair bit about being a professional composer/Song-writer. Here's what I say to the cowboys scavenging for the elusive "Deal"


Hey! WANNA-BE!  ............just stop

I'm talking to those whimpering toadies who scour facebook and  try to befriend music row employees are worse yet hang out where they have lunch and attempt to start awkward and completely unprofessional  "random encounters" (Not that kind) to try and forge some phoney social bond with the person who they think holds the keys to the cookie jar. I will admitT.  I have zero experience in Nashville, but from what I've been told it's similar to L.A where I have tons of experience. and in L.A one of the worst tricks in the book is for a social climber to join Alcoholics Anonymous and take advantage of the social support network, trying to use it to further their career instead. 

I would imagine Nashville has some of that as well. One type of climber you may not have in Nashville is the "Fake" or "Industry Jew" I don't know if  Nashville music is Jewish controlled, I do not believe it is, but in Los Angeles,  the power brokers,  everyone from the top executives and nearly everyone on down is Jewish, Enter the phenomenon of "Industry Jews" these are people who are as Jewish as Dolph Lundgren (Asshole) but attend Temple and claim Judaism as their religion only to further their career. It is the fake Alcoholics and Jews I have the least tolerance for, you can feel their presence in a room and it poison's the atmosphere. But they have one redeeming quality in that most of them (Except the real sociopaths, beware, they are there) These people, when pressed will more often than not, admit what it is they are trying to do. And in a world where the divide between the haves and have-nots increases daily, I understand why they try, I believe the efforts are misdirected and counter-productive, but big points to anyone who is full of S$#t and will admit it.

Unfortunately some people are full of shit and won't admit it.

I'm talking about a lot of would-be Professional Nashville songwriters. There is a certain type I've encountered that tries to pretend being an unsuccessful songwriter is somehow a noble and romantic fate, and that being  one they are like Jesus, remaining impoverished while bestowing upon the world the redeeming power of their music (Which no one is hearing). They feel lack of success qualifies them for sainthood and future generations will revere their martyrdom. S

everyone wants to be successful in their chosen field, "I'd rather work 2 jobs?"Gimme a break! And that by being unsuccessful that means you are glorifying god? Oh PLEASE! Some make it some don't some have intermittent success, I'm not in the NAS scene but I make my living writing elsewhere. You want the answer? Here it is....

ALWAYS be ready to walk out on this business if it doesn't deliver what you've worked for, NEVER be sitting around waiting for scraps from the music biz, it's waaaay too fickle a mistress, and doesn't care if you starve. You must stay in a position of power and never let it think you need it for anything. Then Pitch your goods (Which you should be working on and improving everyday) when the opportunity presents itself, forget what "Music row" thinks proper conduct i.s if you care about that you have let them into a position of power in your life that they never should have been allowed into. 

People can sense whether you are bringing them something that can help them, or if you are a simpering sycophant waiting to be "made famous" NEVER be the latter. Today I suggest you quit music for good, let the dream die. Go find your fortune in any other l businesses available on this earth. But do not quit CREATING music. Do that everyday. be disciplined, don't make it #1 but make it a consistent daily effort. When you feel you have something, contact a music attorney about shopping it, if everyone turns you down....

YOU SUCK..congratulations! But you will not be broke or broken, plus you just go away for another year and write another batch of songs, songs you can AFFORD to demo, to bring to a lawyer you can AFFORD to see for the first visit (NEVER pay them to shop after the first visit, if they are paid they won't do it well.) this business isn't that complicated, but the reality of it must be accepted and the pitfalls avoided. And the major pitfall is being financially dependent it. Do it this way and you won't give a s#$t what music business gate keepers think of anything you do, and you shouldn't, you rate THEIR clothing and see if it suits YOU. DON'T give your power away to people who didn't want it in the first place. 

How to write a song, even if you are a no-talent, tone-deaf, jerk-off

Let's do this:

Materials needed: You, Paper, Pencil, Recording device (Computer, voice recorder, tape recorder)

Materials not needed: Excuses, Your B.S , Distractions, The opinions of others, YOUR opinion!
So you want to write a song?

You can ask as many people as you want how to do this and you'll get as many different answers, they will all be BS.

Why? Because there is no "How" There is only "Do" I am writing to you today to take you from the passive to the active, from the how to the do, whether you like it or not. I can't tell you how to run away from me, I can only fart loud enough that you'll want to be gone by the time the smell hits.
Consider this writing to be my bathroom bullhorn after a good dinner at Taco Bell.

It may be a good time to list my credentials in this field: I licensed my first original song at 17 to Highlander the TV series and still make backend royalties off it to this day. I was signed to a major label deal (It was a well know rock stars vanity imprint, actually) at 21 and toured major areas opening for other acts, after being dropped from that deal due to a "backstage incident" I was signed to a well know indy, A year or two later I was in Los Angeles and Signed by Dreamworks records to another major label deal, after that went down in flames, I was signed to the well know UK division of Cargo records and a french Vinyl boutique label. Just two years ago I was signed by the major indy label Metropolis records and could boast labelmates like Mindless Self Indulgence, Bauhaus and Gary Newman, Oh and I forgot, before that I was signed by Dexter Holland of the Offspring to his Vanity label NITRO records, throughout all this I began to focus on composing for TV and today I have music in more reality shows than I can mention, including Top Chef, Real Housewives, Bargain Hunters, Who do you think you are?, Under the dome (Stephen King mini-serries) and countless others.

I am telling you this because it's important that if you are going to take direction from someone, that they have gone somewhere you want to go, as one of the proud and few that has made his living by the songs and music he writes, I don't mind telling you. If I'm one step further down the road you want to travel, then do yourself a favor, shut up sand listen to how I got there.

Now that I've qualified myself, let's return to the task at hand.

Here is a basic formula for song creation: The most important ingredient is this: YOU MUST BE WILLING TO WRITE A BAD SONG

Writing complete songs and letting them flow out of you even if they are squirting up like so much foul diarrhea, build your FLOW muscle. You are mining a path through your soul for creative ideas to ooze through at will.. Every time you decline to judge the piece of art you are vomiting up you make it that much easier for a better one to come along after it.

 I see it like this: creative ideas are like vampires, they only go where they are invited and if you judge demean and abandon songs just as quickly as you start them, then the ideas are not going to feel welcome and they are going to flow elsewhere. But by forcing yourself to write quickly and often, to squeeze horrible songs out of every corner of your being, you are calling out to the good ones "Free room and board!" songs are like freeloading musicians, trust me, they will come. But you must FINISH the songs, you must WRITE THEM DOWN ON PAPER (for some reason this works better than computer or phone text) and you must RECORD A DEMO so that song exists in the physical world, not just in your imagination. Write a song every day! No matter how bad, make it second nature. Assuming you have no idea where to start, I will give you a process to use until you discover your own.

1. Think of an idea that gets you excited, this can be something like sex, a good movie you saw, your mom anything but it must get YOU off. I don't care what songs on the radio are about or what you heard good songs were supposed to be about, YOU follow YOUR muse.

 Now that you have an idea you have a song, because that's what songs are. There are no words music melodies that mean jack on their own. A song has no division between these parts because they all serve one purpose: To communicate that idea you were excited about. No idea? No song

It's called Prosody and it is the most important thing in songwriting, look it up

2. Take a sheet of paper and write your idea on it. Then below that do 5 minutes of free writing on the concept/story of your choice

3. Look back over your writing and find a phrase or two that you like, read them out in a rhythmic fashion,

4. Now think of rhymes for the end syllable of a phrase, pick a rhyming word that fits with the idea go back over your writing to find material to fill out the rhyming phrase. You should now at the very least, have a couplet.

5. Taking what you have, go back over your material and in light of what you have just written, name the song, it's not hard, just do it.

6. Now you have a title and a phrase, sing it, if the concept is dark then use a dark sounding melody, a happy one likewise, reading over the rest of your freewriting, freestyle melodically and lyrically for a while recording yourself as you do.

7. Go back over what you have sang and pick the catchyest melody, fill in the lyrics and be strict about bottom lining your concept with them. This is your chorus.

8. Turning back to your first couplet use it's cadence and free writing to fill out two verses worth of melody and lyric. tell the story of the song in the verse and drive the point home in the chorus.

9. Now after the second chorus, think about a vacation, a" what if?" in opposition to your main idea, conceptualize it as "what would have happened if what I'm singing about didn't?"  Free write and melodically improvise while recording, go back and chose your best parts while filling in the lyrics, you now have your bridge.

10. build from your "Vacation" back to your chorus which will be stronger for your having created such deep contrast in the bridge.

11. For your doubling of the end chorus, do some improv on your second rep, this will be your outro.

12. You have now written a song! Not lyrics, not music but a SONG! Congratulations! Perhaps it sucks? I expect it does, but that is excellent news, you are paving the way for great ones to follow. The important thing when in this process is DON'T STOP and DON'T GET STUCK! There is no "I'll come back to this later" BS you write a song in ONE SITTING, you can make changes later, but when you sit to write you come back with a finished song no matter how bad.

Don't ever get stuck because you can't think of anything good, better to move forward with a bad idea then to get stuck looking for a good one. This is NO EXCUSES NO B.S! You come back with a complete song or don't come back at all.!

I have given you the keys to the kingdom, now the only question is:

Did my fart smell bad enough that you must turn the key and escape through the gates?

I hope it did,

God Bless the cousin of the beast

Dee Lux "DX7"

System 8 hate: Roland designers of the 808 drum machines,and Jupiter synths have decided to crap in a plastic shell and sell it to you

Go buy a JX8P

Eww it feels yucky typing that. but If you my dear friend INSIST on buying a crappy Roland Synth I would have to recommend the unit thAT BROUGHT US "THE FINAL COUNTDOWN" AND "HERE I GO AGAIN"

YA YA, I'll admit it, those are cool songs and one would thinkl that any synth used to propel those mainstage floats in the 80's coke parade, is good enough to do lines off in 2017, but let me tell you something....

Whatever person place or thing your mind conjures up when you here the word "Gutless" will be released from your grey matter the moment you try this great musical castration device of years gone by, one might be excused for checking thier pubes after touching one just to make sure puberty and their manhood had not been recorded by great cosmic forces in charge of all things testicular. Yes friends this synth is indeed a cold day in the locker room after Phys-Ed class in the pool, and I am still recommending you get one....

Why...???


Because If you have a taste for things un-manly with the word Roland printed on them, then there is a chance you may be considering the purchase of a system 8 and this I can not allow. Because if you buy them Roland will keep making them and if Roland keeps making them, I may one day be forced to trade in my twin venom sacks for.......an M-Audio Venom? (Ok that's another blog all together so don't get me started.

Maybe you are a Roland Apologist who will fight to the, death for your right to overpay for things that break way too easily, if so I am looking forward to hearing how the system 8 synthesizer from Roland is in any way a step in the right direction. Perhaps armed with the latest specs and feature lists you can't wait to debate it's merits and quash it's purported drawbacks, perhaps you are so used to soft-synths that one that both sound and feel like a plugin is more to your tastes? it doesn't matter anyway, I played tit in the store, this thing is a straight up JOKE, it's made from spare parts left over from the JDXI, (massive flop) that they want to get rid of, it is plastic and fragile as hell, a loud fart would probably split it in two, it's absolutely drenched with FX and every gimmick they could cram in to distract from the shite sounding oscillators. This is a synth from 10-15 years ago, like a micro Korg or a Micron, it's outdated VA garbage, whose only purpose is to get rid of all the JDXA parts they already spent money on.. It reminds me of the Ultra Nova, plug in in a box with wall to wall gimmicks to make the kids go....woah!!! Unfortunatly, the kids now know what analog sounds like so they are no longer impressed. Seriously this thing is about as cutting edge as a hair metal band in 1993,


And that hair metal band was probably playing a JX8P, so even THEY didn't want the system 8 You have been warned

DJ Vinyl beat matching tutorial: Beat matching Rock, Punk and other less "exact" genres'

Some people have it easy,

Like Electronic EDM, OEDM and A-FUC-U D.J's for instance. The music they mix is "Uniform" (Nice way of saying redundant) to say the least. An aspiring D.J from a less "Color by numbers" (Not nice at all) school of music might think the beginning principals of D.J'ing don't apply to him, but they would be wrong.

Of he who is given much, much will be asked, and if you are reading this then the call has gone out to YOU to nut-up and get your beat-matching shiz together once and for all.

"But...But...they didn't record my favorite records to a click" you whimper? SILENCE! It is YOU who must become the click, and become it you shall.

I will now describe the steps necessary for you to beat match un-quantized music PAY ATTENTION.....