Thursday 24 November 2016

Roland 909 day: EPIC FAIL!

Roland 909 day has come and gone......it sucked. We knew it would, so no surprises there however, I am hearing the odd complaint that the suckage is due to the synth industry being "Stagnant"  and that Poor-little-ol'-us us with all our new poly-analouges are the  victims of this stagnation....

Allow me to address this with as much juvenile sexual innuendo as possible

It's not that things are stagnant, it's just that you are an A-sexual eunuch, who needs to listen to a Man-o-war, Accept or Judas Priest (Doesn't matter if your pitching for the other team, as long as you get in the game!) record ASAP, before the last of your pubes becomes permanently ingrown thus giving your pitiful excuse for manhood a festive red Christmas like wreath around it




 People have finally learned what a "synth "is and what it is not, Back when the DX7 almost sank the industry, people had an idea that synths were going to the key to all future instrumentation and their main quality would be how well they could re-create traditional instruments. That was pursued for almost 20 years of mostly crap synths that actually, were barely "Synths" to begin with, Remember rock bands proudly stating on their records that NO SYNTHESIZERS had been used in the making of that record? The bogeyman from Japan was finally unsuccessful in his evil FM plot to destroy the noble rock warriors of old.All these years later the world is coming to accept that it was not the synthesizer who had come to castrate us from our manly triple-coil wank-rod, locking-nut Bro-on-bro finish, electric guitars. It turns out The synthesizer is a just another crotch grabbing, restroom all lunch hour, slap-the-wife and pee-in-the-sink musical instrument ! It just need time to swell to full length before allowing us to slurp up the type of creativity expression a well-made synth is always exploding with.

Do you "THRILL" to the "DANGEROUS" innovations in this year's new GIBSON LES PAUL?

Nope that because there aren't any, electric guitars are what they are, and they are not, nor should they be in for drastic changes, My Gibson FireBird has been my second cock for 15 years and if it is ever lost or destroyed (Many do envy, few would dare.) I would replace it instantly, (I would need to, my wife cannot achieve orgasm unless I can play Vinny Vincent's live solo from the Lick it up tour 20 minutes prior to coitus.)

It has finally been accepted that the synth is a standardized musical instrument, with a distinctive sound and application range like drums or a Bass guitar. Oscillators filters Amp LFO , = Thick heavy sound rich with harmonic distortion like a guitar but much less crass-sounding , and far more versatile, But it can rock like a guitar or shimmer like an orchestra as need be, but in doing so it will sound like neither, it will sound like VCO's hitting VCF's on their way out of VCA's , and though many of us can claim VD's when we hear that special sound few us will complain of experiencing ED


that doesn't mean there won't be other innovative keyed instruments, but they will be whatever they end up being. The world will not mistake them for the synthesizers again.

Took nearly 50 years for the nads to drop on this one, but the life giving people putty has swollen them to the point of critcal mass, and with a fanfare of rompler trumpets I salute those bad boys swinging free in the breeze, a symbol of hard won freedom.

Your rights do not come cheap people,

But the Roland crap does, so don't buy it. seriously, they will never learn if you keep buying their garbage.

So we;ve got:  1. An Ipod mixed with a Kaoss pad but...10x as expensive as either.......weak

2. A few plugins in tin cans that you can play Mr Potato head with.....feeble

3. and just what the world have been waiting for! It's the VENOM MRK2! well......I didn't mind the Venom......but I was the ONLY one who liked it so.......FAIL!

A most un-manley showing by Roland


909 day, Fail, G.A.S, Korg, New music gear, Roland, 

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